Language & The Melancholic Migrant
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As a first-generation Canadian born into a family of the South-Asian diaspora, I resonated a lot with Rajiv. Specifically, his venture to learn his cultural languages of Bhojpuri and Hindi as a way to “understand the language that [his] family has lost” (29) but also to connect with his Aji. My proximity to my cultural language, Kutchi, a Gujarati dialect that borrowed words from Swahili, Hindi and Urdu through my family's extensive ancestral migration, has been a source of sorrow because it represents a culture and connection I have lost. Like Rajiv, I grew up in a family that heavily assimilated into Western culture, losing their language in that process causing a sense of cultural disconnect. Just as Rajiv Aji spoke broken English, Bhojpuri and Hindi my dadi, paternal grandmother, was the same. The barrier that this imposes makes cultural connection much harder because it prevents conversations about familial and cultural history that, at least for me, were imperative to understanding my family's culture and subsequently myself.
Rajiv's interaction with Ken, his language teacher, specifically his comment about not being a “real Indian” also heavily resonated with me. As a member of the Indian Diaspora, my connection to India has always been complex. I've never been Indian enough to consider myself Indian. However, I'm not Canadian enough to assimilate into Canada. I, like Rajiv, have sought out learning a cultural language as a way “to connect with my indianness” (34). Although I continue to feel like an imposter when learning Hindi, questioning if I have any cultural claim to the language, in some ways, it has helped to understand my cultural identity.
Antiman interestingly illustrates different types of melancholia as they relate to other generational proximity to cultural language. Aji, who bears close proximity to her cultural language demonstrated in her broken Bhojpuri, Hindi and English exhibits a certain kind of melancholia rooted in a yearning for Guyana as she reminisces about her mother and a place where her language is accepted. Pap, on the other hand, his proximity to his parent's language serves as a reminder of his otherness and emphasizes his efforts to assimilate to the Western culture of Canada. This assimilation is further emphasized when he prevents his mother from speaking her native language because it “was better she didn't do anything to embarrass them” (17). His melancholy is driven by his attempt to assimilate, and the reminder he never fully can. However, Rajivs far proximity to his cultural language acts as a driver to learn more about his culture. His melancholia comes from the cultural disconnect he feels as a first-generation American living in a culturally complex household.