Melancholic Migrant and Queerness
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Rajiv Mohabir in Antiman explains his relationship with his Indo-Guyanese culture and his father’s. His father is trying to fit in, to assimilate as much as possible into North American white culture. On the contrary, Rajiv feels the melancholia Sara Ahmed writes about in “Melancholic Migrants.” His dad is a first-generation immigrant who wants to assimilate completely, and Rajiv is a second-generation immigrant who feels melancholia. He wants to learn Old Guyanese and Indian traditions, especially his grandmother’s songs: “I wanted to plant our language back in my mouth-the language that had been stripped from us through indenture” (26). He also took a language class to learn and travelled for a year in India to reconnect with his culture and his elders.
In contrast, Rajiv’s father was furious when he learned that his son was learning the language and his mom’s songs. He wanted his son to learn what is considered ‘useful’ languages to translate the Bible. His father adopted a Christian name and Christian traditions. He burned the Ramayana, an epic Hindu book from ancient India, in front of his family and got rid of everything related to his childhood, religion, and region. These actions showcase the complete rejection of his culture.
Rajiv wanted to reconnect with his culture, but he felt like his queerness clashed with his family’s culture. He recalled his aunts and uncles laughing about “antiman” which means pariah. He knew that to be an antiman is to be laughable, a secret that would break his ties with his family if they knew about it. He could talk about it with some of his cousins but felt like he had to hide it from his elders. Raji’s mom knew about his queerness but did not accept it well. And he could not talk about it with his dad, because of the risk of losing his family. His need to reconnect with his culture and his elders is so strong that he is ready to hide a part of himself. It is the case with many queer people coming from immigrant families.