I can’t hear you, I can’t see you
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In Nietzsche's critique of Mill's notion of happiness as the moral end, he argues that utilitarian happiness, defined as the happiness of the greatest number, serves as a technology for promoting a specific version of Englishness and justifies colonial rule. In this view, migrants are seen as needing redirection because they are perceived as incapable of achieving happiness, a perspective that implicitly demands the forgetting of experiences related to racism and trauma. As such, the process of individualization involves turning migrants toward the norms, values, and practices of the colonizer.
This process of grief, of leaving behind a history of trauma, can be approached in two ways according to Freud. Mourning is the healthy process of letting go, while melancholia is characterized by an inability to release attachment to a 'dead' object, or past experiences. Thus, the melancholic migrant can be read as someone who does not let go of their past, and bad feelings arise from their refusal to relinquish racism as a narrative that explains their suffering. Consequently, the melancholic migrant becomes like an 'open wound,' causing discomfort to the nation. Therefore, letting go of the past is essential for successful integration, which ultimately is the only pathway to achieving multicultural happiness.
In ‘Bend it like Beckham’, we see the ‘conversion’ of bad, melancholic feelings into good, healthy grief through the experience of Jess’s father. The shift from wanting Jess to avoid playing due to fear of her experiencing the same racism and suffering he did, to encouraging her to fight and win, symbolizes his transition toward acceptance and hope, ultimately reflecting a movement away from the pain of the past. By doing so he has let his daughter be free, and consequently happy, and has unburdened her from the wound that is his trauma. The film’s implicit stance is that letting go is good. Letting go leads to being brought back into the national fold. Letting go leads to happiness.
In Nitin Sawhney’s ‘Nostalgia’, his parents echo a similar sentiment of moving on. In the beginning of the song, we can hear Sawhney’s father expresses a desire to move on from the past, stating, “I think in the initial state that we had a lot of struggle / But with God’s grace and His kindness, we are okay now and our children are okay as well.” His words echo a yearning for integration and a hopeful future for himself and his family. However, unlike Jess from "Bend It Like Beckham", Sawhney grapples with complex emotions surrounding his parents' choices. The lyrics convey a profound sense of nostalgia, as Sawhney navigates the memories of his parents and their sacrifices. He finds himself in a transitional space, caught between the past his parents experienced and his present reality. The repetition of “I can’t hear you, I can’t see you” paint a deeply painful picture of his struggle to connect with his culture and fully understand his parents' experiences. The parents’ commitment to the ideal of happiness starkly contrasts with Sawhney's internal conflict; although his parents strive for a better life, his experience is marked by an awareness of the emotional costs associated with that pursuit and a deep struggle for belonging.
As Ahmed suggests in the text, and as is made clear by the nuances of Sawhney's experience, happiness should be understood not merely as a goal or ideal to strive for, but as a complex interplay of emotions that includes an acknowledgment of past injustices.